Funkangeles

A World O Funk…. Damn-it! where is my band?


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The League of Excessively Cruel Dead Despots Yo.

LOXCDY  (locks cee dee) The League Excessively Cruel Despot Yo…

While spending a little eternity time in hell Osama Bin Laden was getting  bored with his one hundred beautiful maiden, he was  disappointed with their maidenliness, many had mustaches.

One morning during the hourly pledge  of allegiance to the United States Of America (Devil’s own sick joke) Osama whispered to Kadafi, I got a plan.  Grab Saddam, Idi Amin president of Uganda ,Ayatollah Khomeini, the leader of the Khmer Rouge Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler and Caligula, the party animal himself and tell them to meet at  Ivan the Terrible the Grand Duke of Muscovy‘s  Rock…..

Smiling to himself Osama like his chances… there might a couple of situation but he’d find a way to work it out..That Ivan..The should call him Ivan the terrible smelling and his temper is so bad, but whose isn’t in our group.   Back to  Ivan and Ivan jr. his son, following  him everywhere with that saff stuck in his head. You know dad killed  son? Right ? Love this Guy!!! sez Osama..

Saddam Hussein  President &  Prick of Iraq

Idi Amin Dada  President  & Prick of Uganda,

Ayatollah Khomeini Pure Prick  from Iran.

Pol Pot the leading Prick of the Khmer Rouge, Prime evil Minister of Cambodia

Adolf  Hitler Prick  Germany Butt muncher of questionable sexual ambiguity

Caligula the real butt munching party animal himself

Ivan the Terrible the Grand Dickhead of Muscovy . 1st Tsar of Russia

Intelligence is what these evil bastards  possess mixed with abundance of contempt for the human race. Add Greed, lust, Insecurity, Cruelty, mistrust  to that egomaniacs gathering…..

Next The Meeting……..

 

Funkangeles

 

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Don’t Bind me

I’m dreaming and Emily Litella calls me………..
 
      Ok , It’s coming into the holidays and lately in my dreams I’m all over the place but this one i’m with Jesus
I like checking in…
       Were chillin, chopping it up, small talk. how Is Michael Clarke Duncan going to fit up in a bed. in heaven?. Hugh Hefner doesn’t have to come he is in heaven already?  haha got jokes..I asked. what was the first  thing ray charles wanted to see?  a way out of hell, because Ike turner won’t shut up….oh ok, Is Red Foxx still hiding behind Richard Pryor who is asking Michael Jackson if he’s going to try again tomorrow to get in? 
   We’re talking  and  not realizing but I’m lying (white lies) and  who i’m dreaming with?  there’s the problem.  He know everything!!!.   I’m soo stupid,  i’d say  i go to church almost every sunday and don’t miss a day, Jesus!…   He’d just look at me and shake his head and say…ha ha that’s hot,  every sunday huh..,… “that’s hot ?”  haha
He reveals to me, Bin laden calls me every day  he doesn’t want the 100 maidens the all look like Idi Amin Dada…fat and bald headed.. And Saddam and son and Gaddafi and Sons keeps ordering mac ribs sandwiches and eating them they can’t stop..  This is Jesus!!! you know, no straight answers. When the goblet is full it will reveal.  Gather yee at the pond and skip rocks until rain reveals that you are truly wet.  And only then you will know If los angeles will ever have a  football team….. You see he is Jesus, and is the revealer, you better understand…woe be unto you if you understand wrong on a revelation..
No no i didn’t say take the burning bush to the mobile gas station!!! You blew everybody up!!!!  That’s not what i revealed!!I can I get it in a statement type form …kinda?  
 
 
So I hear a ring!! And Jesus busts out A Galaxy III  looking at me and whispers before answering. I don’t need it but it’s flossy! 
He speak into the phone “Jesus”    LIKE A REGULAR GUY!!!  Think about that!  He can say, do, whatever he wants!!!  “Hello Jesus! died on the cross for you. or “hello Jesus… I know”    They wouldn’t  have to say anything…..  he KNOWS!!!!  So early  Hay-suse was telling me,  he had an iphone five but he kept  finding himself  in the corridors and back lots of hell.  Well the truth be told…. shhhhhh it’s a secret!    The apple new maps os were made in hell and sold to to apple and paid for by……no i told u too much already…just know they killed steve.    
 
 Jesus said when he had spoke to Steve about it . He was soo pissed,( steve was)that he got Jesus a Samsung III……   Now that’s pissed… So our heavenly son of the father flashed his sammy and said…. one minute and hands me his  phone!!!  
Perplexed, placing to my ear,” Hello? ‘
 
“Hi”  I hear a  squeaky  tiny voice.
“It’s Emily Litella”.. and she starts in…

What is all this i hear about binding women?  I say emliy..   It is not a very nice thing to do!! When you bind women you can bruise their delicate little wist and the dainty little feet!  Miss Litella, I tried to interrupt, on she continued…  “Especially if your binding them doggy style as  oppose to behind the back….Oh snap emily’s going there, i better stop her… When I was younger, I use to take those binder underneath my.. EMILY!!!!.. ..huh? yes?  And I told her.. A binder full of women. Miss Litella,  A  Binder full of women oh.. ooh that different! Nevermind…..

Oh Oh could you deliver a message for me?  sure i say…

Tell Jane…….She’s still a bitch..Thank you!

Still so sweet!!

And with that I Woke up!
Like Conan O’Brien…. too late and on a station that’s transmitting from pluto, on the AM band with big knobs and tubes with a coat hanger antenna for transmitting….
What I learned..
Don’t watch the debate and drink and eat pizza with cheese in the crust nachos and a hot link… I’ve found a correlation between over cheesing too much beer, the debates, links ,nachos and a Bible on the coffee table.
It’s all in the makings of a strange dream ,A dream  that was just too vivid…..
Then I saw all the pizza  & Nachos gone,  i remember not eating all……and there footprints in the carpet lightly but they were there…leading to a sealed window…….
I smiled….. and took a slurp from an empty can…

Funkangeles

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